| Le script : ben ouai ... ils ont osé en faire un ... | |
| Dans une gare des États-Unis, monde, univers ...
Des hommes en imperméables font le guet : ELIOT NESS : It's half past twelve . He must arrive now . MALONE : Ok boss ! NESS: Hey look ! Where ? Look !!! But it's not alcohol, it's orange juice ... Quelques temps plus tard : PAPER-BOY: Chicago News ! Chicago News ! Ask for Chicago News ! Bureau de Elliot Ness : MALONE: Have you read the press ? NESS: Yes, I have ... but why do I fail so many times ?!? MALONE: You're new in Chicago you know ; policemen are brought by traficants ... Dans un bureau voisin: BODYGUARD 1: If you tell me where the next operation take place, POLICEMAN: Oh ! Hello de LOU ! BODYGUARD 1: Thanks boy, take your cookies ... Retour dans le bureau de Ness : MALONE: Do you understand you must work only with men you trust ? NESS: Like you you mean ? MALONE: Yes, I mean ! NESS: I think I have some idea ... MALONE: Me too ! | |
| Bureau de Wallace, Mallone et Ness entrent : NESS: Hey Wallace ! WALLACE: Wait a minute .... Yes Sir ? NESS: Have you ever had a gun in your life ? WALLACE: No Sir, I'm an accountant . NESS: But your honest, aren't you ? WALLACE: But I'm english Sir !!! NESS: Ok, take this and come with us ! WALLACE: Thank you ... Dans un couloir adjacent, nos 3 héros marchent tranquillement ... MALONE: Hey boss, I ........ STONE: Stop ! you ! Fucking irish ! MALONE: What ? What's the matter with you if I am irish ? STONE: Well, it's very simple : I'm italian, italian like english, english hate irish, MALONE: Hey, cool man ! Zen ! Boudddha !! NESS: Hey, stop your silly game, will you ! Stone, are you honest ? STONE: Hey, I'm italian ! NESS: Ok, come with us ... Nos héros rejoignent leur repaire pour mettre au point leur plan : NESS: Now we must work ! There's one person we must attack, and it's ........ Fondu enchaîné sur Al Capone, en route pour son crime, CAPONE: Hey Guys, what are you doing down ? Get up ! You're silly monkeys ... THE SELLER: Here you are ! THE COSTUMER: Thanks, good bye . CAPONE: Hello boy, give your money to uncle Al ... THE SELLER: Yes Mister, Ok Mister ... CAPONE: Béné béné ... BODYGUARD 2: Ah ah ah ..... Dehors, Capone fait le partage : CAPONE: That's for you, and that's for me .... |
| Centre de recherche et de technologie de l'institut nationale pour la recherche nucléaire de la police de la ville : WALLACE: Hey Ness, I have a new invention for you : a policeman which will be NESS: Mmmm Mmmmm , I want to see that ... WALLACE: He is certainly honest : he's a robot . Demonstration : 4 immeubles et 2 régiments de Platoon détruits plus tard ... It's a very good robot, isn't it ? NESS: Sterczocop, dance the russian dance ! STERCZOCOP: I'm singing in the rain, I'm singinnnnnn ... Tchitttt ..... ....... .. ...... NESS: Mmmmm I think we can't trust this technology .... De retour dans le bureau de Wallace : WALLACE: I must find another idea ; ( POUM sur la table ! ) But of course ! Wallace en planque devant le repaire de Capone : BODYGUARD 2: Boss !?! I must go to the pipi-room ... CAPONE: Si si ... Dans les Water-Closet : WALLACE: Hey man, do you like cookies ? BODYGUARD 2: Oh yes !! I'm fond of cookies !!! WALLACE: How many cookies do you earn in Capone's service ? BODYGUARD 2: Hheeeuuuu ..... 3 cookies a month !!!! WALLACE: I'll give you 5 cookies if you work for us . You will just have to help us to peach Al Capone ... BODYGUARD 2: 5 cookies ? Can you give me one now ? WALLACE: Ok, don't forget you work for me now ... Devant les WC, Wallace sort alors que Capone arrive : CAPONE: What are you doing here ? It's my area ! WALLACE: Hey, everybody can go to the pipi-room !?! Wallace se fait enpoigner par le garde du corps de Capone, 3 étages plus bas ... WALLACE: I will have my revange !!! |
| Pendant ce temps, au repaire de Capone, son gang est réuni ... Tous s'escriment en coeur : CAPONE: If you are here today, it's thanks to me. You were poor, small, and wihout any interest ... I've made men of you. Now you're the most famous business men in this city ... GANGSTERS: Ah Ah Ah ! Ah Eh Eh .... CAPONE: So, you will give me all the money you have earnt during this week ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... Béné ..... And you ? COCOBUITONI: Mmmf ... Business was not very good this week ... It's the great depression, less and less people who buy alcohol ... CAPONE: Ok, it's difficult for you but .... Capone lui saute dessus à mains nues ... Une moto passe dehors ... BODYGUARD 2: I'm here incognito ... I have an information for you ! BODYGUARD 2: Yesterday, Capone has beaten to death Cocobuitoni, an alcohol seller ... He was woking for him for to years. WALLACE: What's the use for me ? I don't pay you to tell me such silly tings ! I have better to keep my cookies ... BODYGUARD 2: No, wait a minute ! Capone will take care himself of Cocobuitoni's market ... you can pitch him in Buitoni's market ! WALLACE: Ok, thanks boy ! With this, you can buy a lot of cookies ... WALLACE: I must warn Ness, Mallone and Stone ... ... 2 tours du lycée et 4 portes claquées plus tard ... ELLIOT NESS: What's the matter ? WALLACE: I know where we can pitch Al Capone ! NESS: Where ??? WALLACE: Oh ... in a basement in the fifth avenue .... Come with me ! NESS: Ok ! Stone must come at half past eleven. I'll wait him and I'll go with you ... Au repaire des méchants, MALLONE: They must be here !!! THE VICTIM: No boss ! Don't shoot please .... .... THE VICTIM: eeehhhh ... ... ... BODYGUARD 3: No. CAPONE: Go on ... !!! WALLACE: Capone ! It's finish for your business !!! Une fusillade éclate, les flechettes en plastiques vollent de partout ... NESS: you are done Capone ! Thomas passe en arrière plan sans qu'on sache pourquoi ... NESS: Aaaahhhhh ... Pendant ce temps, Wallace s'acharne sur un mort avec sa mitraillette ... NESS: hey ! hey ! He's dead now ... Plan resserré sur Capone et Mallone ... CAPONE: I will kill you until you are dead ! Mallone s'écroule à terre en prenant soin de tomber sur le plastique NESS: Malone ?!? Malone, get up !!! Get ... He's dead . He's dead ... ... ... The 3 last untouchables : Revange, Revange !!! BODYGUARD 1: We have no chance ... CAPONE: No ! Dark Vador ... ... Appel via satellite au vaisseau de Dark Vador : |
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